Let Him Share Your Pain
by RayneSummer
Summary: "Give me your sadness. I will take it, as much as you need. If it kills us both, so be it. I am here" After finding out about Dean's Hell, at Sam's insistence, he gets a PTSD Dog. And Buddy the retriever cross helps more than Dean ever thought someone other than his brother could. And in the end Dean is so thankful for Sam's meddling, especially without his brother there to thank.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Okay, so I often write about Sam getting a Service Dog - as in, twice now. He's had Bones, Hearing Dog, and Hannah, Guide dog etc. So guess what?! It's Dean's turn. I saw a post on Tumblr about Sam deciding Dean needs a PTSD Service Dog after going to hell in Season four. And I took that on board and today in my English Lit lesson, instead of learning about boring old poetry (poetry is actually great though), I wrote a complete plan for this story. Now just to actually write it... harder than it seems. Still, writing is something I can do.  
The picture I found on Google and fits the quota perfectly - a Labrador/Golden Retriever cross PTSD Dog with a veteran's camo vest. So this is what I imagine Buddy looks like. Close to the name of an amazing Service Dog that I use for inspiration - Bradley Golden Retriever, youtube account GuidingGolden. This story will, like Hannah's be a multi-chapter series, but it's not quite completely AU - the chapters will be respectively Season Four, Five, Six and Seven (when Dean disappears, the story will end), with three parts in each chapter. It's another project that hopefully will be enjoyable and good to write.  
Hope you like it, and please review if you have the time. It really encourages me. Thank you for reading.**

* * *

**Chapter One: Season Four (tags to 4x08,4x13,4x22 respectively)**

Dean was always going to fight such a thing. Admitting weakness was not a Winchester thing to do - much less seeking or even accepting help.

So naturally, of course the elder Winchester was going to put up a fuss, even though they were on their way to the centre already, and there was no turning Sam back now. He was set on a course to help his brother, who after everything, deserved the help more than anyone.

"I can't believe you're really doing this," Dean stated, folding his arms childishly and turning his head to stare firmly out of the passenger door window.

Sam rolled his eyes and didn't reply, having heard the same complaint every few minutes or so for the past... well, however long they had been travelling. And before that. It wasn't particularly his fault that he had a probing brother who refused to leave anything unsaid between them.

But that very trait in Dean had led to him finding out about Sam's 'idea' a month or so earlier than Sam would of liked. Because it meant an extra month of whining, although luckily without actually going anywhere, Sam could pretend that it wasn't really going to happen.

Despite everything, here they were, driving to the training facility that had promised Sam they would provide a PTSD Service Dog for his brother, who had recently got back from 'one _hell _of a traumatic battle'.

When Sam had been forced to reveal the deal, Dean had protested in typical Winchester attitude; "No, Sammy. I don't have PTSD. I _went _to hell. You expect me to just bounce back?"

And of course, Sam had shrugged, then when Dean had woken up from a nightmare the night afterwards, Sam had been waiting for him with a look that clearly said 'I'm helping you whether you like it or not."

So no, Dean didn't like it. But it didn't matter any more.

They were almost at the centre now, and Dean had been whining the whole way. In a traditional childish sulky way.

Then Cas appeared in the back seat.

That hadn't gone down too well, but once he had read Sam's mind about what he was going to do, to both Winchesters' surprise, the angel had been all for the idea. When they got to the facility, before Dean could open his mouth to complain again and talk his way out of it, both Sam and Cas had given him a glare.

Under the force of bitchfaces and pointed glares to shut up, Dean had had to walk into the centre, followed closely by his brother and his angel.

He was introduced to his dog by a smiling woman who was - thankfully - just a bit too out of Dean's taste for flirting. Anyway, he was busy sulking like a child and glaring at the dog that was sitting smiling and panting at his feet.

The dog itself was a beautiful Labrador Golden Retriever cross who was called Buddy. Dean further muttered in annoyance about how he wasn't allowed to name the dog. He was a year and a half old, and trained in supporting with psychiatric issues for veterans - a PTSD dog.

And Buddy was exactly the kind of dog for Dean.

While off-duty, they were told, he was crazy. A Marley type retriever dog. And whilst on-duty, he performed his tasks excellently, on form all the time. His courteous trainer, Katie, gave them his file and told them that the dog and Dean would need to train together for a week before going home together.

Sam had to shove Cas to stop him informing the woman that they didn't have a home, and interrupted instead to say with a smile, "that will be fine, thank you very much."

They got a hotel just out of town and Dean sulked the night, avoiding sleeping in order to avoid nightmares and therefore avoid proving Sam right. He couldn't lose his big brother pride.

But Sam insisted, and for a few days they stayed in town, Sam taking Dean to the centre every day for his and his dog's training.

Dean glared at the dog while it panted happily at him, and Sam would just watch them and smile. It was rather amusing.

And then after a week, their training was complete, and Katie smiled and helped Buddy into the toweled and covered back seat, Dean glaring at the dog from the passenger seat, and Sam smiling grimly back at the trainer who waved them off.

So there they were. Sam, Dean, and Dean's Service Dog Buddy.

* * *

After the whole angel fiasco with Anna, Uriel and the other dicks of angels, Sam noticed Dean's guard relaxing.

Not just in the car, where Buddy was slowly but surely sensing his master's weakness about order, and was inching towards the front bench seat to be closer to his owners.

But also in times of need. When Dean woke from nightmares, Buddy was there. When Sam was pretending to be asleep, he saw Dean sink and rub his fingers into the retriever's soft fur, closing his eyes tight and hoping the darkness away.

And Buddy was always there.

On the way to the school case, they stopped at a superstore close by, to get a few things, as they had won at poker the other night and had decided to get some stuff that they needed.

In the car in the parking lot, Sam got out before noticing that Dean was still in the car. Wondering what was taking his brother so long, Sam bent down and looked in the window, to be partly stunned by the sight that was met.

Dean was still sitting the the driver's seat, with Buddy next to him. And Dean was putting on the Service Dog's camo vest and briefly stroking his ears, while the dog patiently sat, already in his PTSD Dog role.

A minute later, and Dean got out the car with Buddy's leash in his hand, the dog right next to him, vest on, ready to work. And, for one of the first times Sam had seen Dean so open about it, his brother was ready to receive his Service Dog's assistance.

They went in the store, Buddy right by Dean's side, and Sam didn't comment, for fear of breaking the spell.

The dog's patches clearly stated his job: Service Dog, PTSD Dog, and Do Not Pet. They weren't interrupted or pointed out. People in the store behaved well. Then, at the checkout, the motherly woman smiled at the sight of the dog, and remarked to Dean, "that's a lovely helper you've got there."

Sam braced himself for a rant that night, but none came. Instead, Dean openly sat on his bed, laptop open, Buddy off duty right beside him, napping. And Sam just watched, and a soft smile spread across his face.

At their case, at the school, even when Dean went in for the job of the gym teacher, Buddy went with him. The interviewer eyed the working dog, proudly lying at his handler's feet in his vest and saddlebag, and didn't comment apart from a brief smile and a quiet, "I bet you're good at the physical stuff, huh?"

When Dean was 'working' at being a gym teacher, Buddy sat right in a corner of the hall, vest on, curled up, eyes open, watching quietly. On duty.

The students didn't really react to the working dog. A few stared at it, but most didn't care. They didn't care about this teacher. Sam noted that this was the same attitude kids had back when they were at the school. Kids didn't particularly care unless it was important.

When they walked down the corridor, talking about the case, Buddy walked calmly, vested, right beside Dean. Sam noticed the difference in Dean. So many differences. Especially from when he was a teenager in the school. Even back then Dean was constantly on alert; there was no way to get close to him without him noticing.

Already a hunter at that age, and already seen too much. But now as he walked the halls, years later, with a trained dog by his side... he was more relaxed than Sam had seen him in years. Buddy had his back.

After Sam was injured in the school, and Dean was angry, as he always was, Buddy waited patiently beside them, off duty but still watching, waiting for his moment. Right after Dean had dealt with Sam, Buddy simply went over and lay across his handler's feet as Dean leaned against the car.

Soon they finished the case, and despite the hunt and the past that came with it, that night there were no nightmares. Sam watched silently as they both lay in their beds, as Buddy lay right next to Dean's bed, and the older Winchester dropped a hand down to gently stroked the retriever's ears. The night was the quietest they had had in a long time, and gave them both well-deserved rest.

* * *

Near the End, the apocalypse, Sam's addiction to demon blood got worse.

And while Dean's brother wasn't there, someone had to be. Although Bobby tried, it just wasn't the same. So Buddy spent the nights with his handler as Dean sat up in the lounge, researching for ways to help his screaming brother in the panic room.

It was Buddy's bark that alerted both Dean and Bobby to something happening in the room, and that led the clue that Buddy could also warn them of Sam's seizures - but after that it didn't happen again.

Not that Buddy didn't love his other owner too, but Dean was his priority. He had to keep his handler safe, and looking out for any danger his brother could cause counted with that.

But after Sam got out and Dean went after him, he left his dog at Bobby's on instinct. Wrong thing to do.

When he stumbled back to his surrogate father's house after the fight with his brother, Buddy was there waiting for him. It was Buddy that sat with him on the sofa, comforting him while Bobby was out the room and he felt he could show a moment of weakness, head in hands.

The dickbag angels transported his to the Beautiful Room, and his dog was left staring at the space where his master had been, whining. Bobby had had to deal with Buddy insistance at being with his handler.

When Bobby's frantic calling around the globe amounted to that Dean was now at Chuck's, he called the house and threatened them to try to leave the Winchester's service animal alone a minute longer.

Dean had immediately sent Cas to get Buddy, and the two had forgotten everything for a minute as they paused and comforted one another. Then Dean was back on the job of getting his brother back.

But out to stop Sam, and the apocalypse that came with it, Dean didn't take Buddy. He forced the dog to stay with Chuck, hating every minute, but knowing that it was the best idea. Who knew what would happen at the start of letting Lucifer out of the cage.

That night, as the Chuck's archangel slaughtered Dean's guardian angel in the most disgusting way, tremors racked the earth, and the apocalypse started.

Despite all that, the whole night Buddy spent on the windowsill, howling for his master that might be in trouble, and wishing with all of his heart to be there with him, as he was meant to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Updates will hopefully not be so spaced apart now. This is Season Five chapter, there are two more to come. Please review if you can, it does help me with my stories. Should be updating Hannah after this, if you haven't seen that story, it's about Sam's German Shepherd Guide Service Dog, called 'Hannah and the Winchesters' and reflects on an AU with a Service Dog for Sam after 6.22. This story is about a Service Dog for Dean after the events of hell in s4. The incoming chapters will be seasons six and seven, where it will end. This story was planned out, so hopefully will be okay. Thank you for reading!**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Season Five (tags to 5.03,5.14,5.22 respectively)**

Sam is gone and Dean is alone in his motel room. Well, almost alone.

The apocalypse had begun, and that was that. Dean was done with all the shit that came their way in their lives. And of course, all the situations had added up to Sam leaving... again. It wasn't the first time, and it definitely wouldn't be the last.

Buddy is still there, laying on his handler's bed, both having just got in. Dean finishes his call with Cas abruptly and yawns, completely exhausted. He curls up next to his dog and they fall asleep together, the golden labrador retriever keeping away his handler's nightmares with a simple nudge.

But the dog can do nothing when his owner, his charge to care for, is suddenly just gone. And Dean can do nothing about the fact that he has just woken up somewhere he knows he shouldn't be, service dog not in sight.

He wants to freak out, but he knows that that won't help anything. So he just explores, doing his best to stop his PTSD taking over, trying not to look behind himself repeatedly, trying not to miss the dog.

It doesn't help when he is knocked out and taken by himself; the other him, from the future - apparently where he is.

Dean barely wants to ask, but he does; and the news he gets back isn't what he wants. Sam is gone, taken over. And Buddy... this Dean doesn't really expand on the subject, but the dog is definitely not present. With his brother gone, of course a similar fate overfell the dog too.

He hates this and he hates it, but the angel dicks have screwed with him and he has no way of getting back.

It's only after he's forced to watch Lucifer in Sam's body - it is _not _Sam - kill his future self, and then talk to him, that Zachariah finally takes him back to the present.

Dean wakes up where he fell asleep, dog frantic beside him. Buddy is worried and whines and paws at Dean, needing his handler's confirmation that he is back. And Dean needs to know that Buddy is there.

While Zachariah speaks looking dramatically off into the distance, Dean buries his face in the retriever's fur, allowing himself a brief moment of weakness, and a moment of need - because he needed Buddy there, and he wasn't. And that terrified Dean.

He breathes in the sweet smell of the dog, and Buddy licks his ear, calm now he is on his job he knows.

When Dean feels ready, he stands, and Buddy jumps off the bed and sits right by his handler's side, glaring at the angel. Zachariah starts to threaten them, but barely before Buddy has time to growl warningly, Cas has taken both dog and handler to his location.

Dean thanks Cas as Buddy lies across his owner's feet, comforting and and a solid presence. Dean is grateful. He needs this more now than ever.

He calls Sam, knowing what to do now. Cas take them both back to the Impala, and zaps away, telling Dean he will soon be in touch. Dean just nods and gets in the car, and his dog immediately curls up into him.

And now, alone, Dean can be weak for a moment. Buddy is there for him.

They both stay perfectly still, together, comforting. Both shaken after the experience of being without the other. Dean knows that he can't allow this. So he meets with Sam, and the three of them go off together, swearing silently never to part.

The future experience cannot become a reality. Dean knows he wouldn't be able to survive it.

* * *

It is when they meet Famine that Buddy's tasks become sharper.

Dean has been losing faith, and everyone has noticed - everyone being Sam, Cas, and Buddy. Maybe Bobby, but he has had his own problems to mourn about. For a hunter, such a loss of physical use deems the man useless. Until Dean firmly convinced him that he was not.

When they were at Bobby's, Buddy uses his learnt tasks to help out Bobby too. Dean knows his surrogate father appreciates it, but will never actually consider a dog of his own. Dean is almost grateful. It would be too much.

When they are in Famine's town, Dean's nightmares get distant. Worse, but distant. He wakes up in the night with tears on his face, but he doesn't feel particularly sad. Just empty, and done.

On those nights, Buddy crawls over to Dean from wherever he is, always there to chase away the feelings of the nightmares, and wake his handler up if need be.

Buddy's tasks become sharper as he responds to Dean even more. Dean doesn't really notice. Sam does.

Sam calls Dean out on his not eating and not drinking and not wanting to go out. He's concerned. "It's when a dog doesn't eat," he says, and Buddy eats his own meal that night thoughtfully, as if thinking about that.

And after that, through the days they realise they are hunting another horseman, Buddy's senses become sharper. He stays as close as he can by his handler's side, whining when they can't be almost touching. Dean responds accordingly, expecting his dog to be there.

When they go in the restaurant to find Cupid, Dean dresses Buddy up in his vest immediately, and keeps his service dog on his feet, under the table, providing unseen but needed comfort. When they go back to meet Cupid, Dean finds he doesn't want to be touched. He punches the angel and it disappears.

He then refuses to talk about anything with Sam, and storms out, Service Dog in heel. Buddy is determined to be there for Dean even if he's not even letting his brother help. But Dean does let Buddy help, when he can.

Sometimes Dean is so out of it that he can't even react to Buddy's comfort. He feels empty; useless and tired.

Then Sam is out of action, and Dean has to tie his brother up in the bathroom, locking him in. Finally Dean feels something else than tiredness in him, but it's just resignment. He is resigned to this; this was of course going to happen again.

He goes in after Cas, leaving his service dog behind, in the car. Without Buddy by his side to help in any way, Famine delivers the statement: "you aren't hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already dead."

Sam appears, having given in, and saves them. But Dean stares at his brother in resignment, not horror. He just knows what has to be done now.

In the car back to Bobby's, Sam is in the backseat, trembling already. Maybe his seizures will start again in the panic room. Cas is beside Sam, awkward and unsure of how to keep the younger Winchester safe and calm.

Buddy sits pressed into Dean in the front seat, and Dean wants nothing more than to bury his face into his dog's fur and cry, and let the world sort itself out for once.

But he is Dean Winchester and his brother needs help. So Dean just drives, silent and tired. At Bobby's, he leads Sam down to the panic room, and Sam just sits down on the cot, draws his knees up to his chin like a little kid.

It breaks Dean's heart to close the door on his brother looking so vulnerable. He gives a silent nod to Sam before leaving him, a thousand apologies in both the Winchester brother's eyes.

Soon, the yelling and screaming starts, and begging follows. Cas murmurs that it's not _Sam_, but Dean doesn't care any more. He walks outside after drinking, and Buddy follows silently, eyes sorrowful.

He sits beside his handler as Dean prays for help, and then the tears come. Sinking to the ground, he lets them come, face buried in his service dog's fur. Buddy sits there and comforts his owner, eyes soulful as he watches the moon in the sky and wishes for peace for his wounded warrior.

The next morning, Bobby finds Sam is detoxed but still shaking, and Dean is lying on the couch, curled up with his dog, tear tracks on his cheeks. Bobby sighs and covers the boy with a blanket, nodding at Buddy when he opens one eye to check who it is. It isn't a threat to his handler, his charge, so Buddy lets them be covered in the warm blanket, to block out the world for just a moment.

* * *

It is the day. The apocalypse must end, and the only way they have of doing that as soon as possible involved the almost certain death of the younger Winchester brother.

Possession is short - keeping control of it, that is. Dean stumbles out of the building, tears on his cheeks, and Buddy pulls the leash from Bobby's hand and runs to meet his handler, and be there for his charge, and comfort him.

That night, Dean just lies with Buddy, eyes closed, weary from the world and wishing for peace again. His dog's licks to his face are the only thing that keeps him awake and thinking. Silently, Dean thanks Sam for such an idea. It means so much more when Sam isn't even there to thank.

By morning, Dean has a plan. It's not a good plan, but goddammit it's a plan and he needs his brother.

He organises it all and decides after a short think, to leave Buddy with Bobby. The hardest part was leaving the dog. Buddy knew something was up, and wouldn't let his handler out of his sight. In the end, Dean sent him on a task - to get a water bottle - and then left, locking the door.

The service dog refused to move from the doormat, watching the window silently, waiting for his handler to return. He had a charge to protect and he was never forgetting that.

Dean knew that if he couldn't prevent the fight, then it was going to destroy half the world. Anyway, if he was signing up to be in with this shit, angels didn't need service animals.

But he still aches for his companion on the drive over to the cemetery. He stares at the passenger seat and wishes with all his heart to have his brother with him, or his service dog. He needs both of them to live, and if he can't have one then he needs the other.

Buddy was Sam's idea, and that means so much more to Dean when Sam isn't there to thank.

He gets to the place, and tries his best. He talks to Lucifer, he talks to Michael - and then Bobby and Cas turn up. They haven't brought Buddy, and Dean is almost grateful. His dog can't see his downfall.

Cas casts Michael away, but Lucifer kills Cas, and then he kills Bobby, and then he beats on Dean.

Dean takes it. He doesn't even touch his brother's body with violence. Instead, he does what he knows to do as much as he knows to breathe - he promises to be there for Sam, and that he is not going to leave him. Dean thinks of Buddy, and whispers a thank you to Sam, and as Lucifer draws his fist back again, Sam sees the army man in the ashtray. The dog hair in the car.

And then _Sam _is back, and it is Sam, and Dean's heart aches so much he is sure it can't keep him alive. Because it's Sam, it's his brother, and he is dead, and Michael is gone and Lucifer is gone and it's the end, alright.

Cas returns. He heals Dean, and brings Bobby back, and denies his name as God. For now.

The drive back in mostly silent. Cas is right when he says, "you're angry." But Dean isn't just angry. He's done, he's just tired. So when Castiel disappears without a proper goodbye, Dean just sighs ans is resigned. He drives to Bobby's, and gets out of his car.

Silently, Bobby leads him to his house before Dean leaves, and Buddy jumps at his handler.

But the dog easily senses that something is deeply wrong, and doesn't utter a sound. He simply stands right by Dean as he says goodbye to Bobby, and drives away, knowing where he needs to go, but not wanting to go.

He makes it only a few miles before he pulls the Impala over on a dusty forest road. He gets out, and Buddy jumps out too, and follows his handler into the forest. Despite not being on his leash, the dog is attached to Dean more than just over a leash.

So Buddy follows his owner, his charge to protect, into the forest. And Buddy is there when Dean sit down, back against a tree, at the edge of the forest, and stares towards the cliff that he was heading towards.

Dean stares at the cliff for a second more before lowering his eyes to his dog, who is sitting soulfully in front of him, just waiting. And Dean starts crying.

This is what Buddy has been waiting for. He climbs into his handler's lap, not caring about anything else. Dean cries for over an hour, sobbing and whispering about his brother, and continually stroking a methodical hand through his service dog's fur.

When Dean is almost done with his tears, he gets back up and unsteadily follows Buddy's lead back to the Impala. He gets in and Buddy curls up next to him, a comforting presence. He pulls up at Lisa's, and cries on her shoulder, unable to contain his tears.

Lisa says a subdued hello to Buddy once Dean is seated in her living room, sitting on the sofa, staring out the window into the dark sky and wishing and wishing for peace, and calm, and his brother.

Buddy lies right on his lay, and licks his hands when Dean gets too far away in his mind. Dean responds by stroking a hand through his retriever's fur, stroking his silky ears, thinking of his brother and knowing that Sam was right all along. Sam is always right.

Dean lets his head rest on a cushion, and strokes his dog, and looks out up to the night sky. "Thank you, Sammy," he whispers, and Buddy licks his neck in reply. Sam can still be with him in other ways.

Knowing that he is safe with his service dog that was hand chosen by his brother, Dean lets the tears come again. This time, they are licked from his face before they fall, and Dean buries his face in his service dog's sweet smelling fur.

Sam is gone and Dean is alone. Well, not quite alone. Buddy is there for him, through this and everything. And Dean could not be more thankful for Sam's meddling.


End file.
